Loneliness

He could hear his classmates chatting excitedly around him. Eddie was having a birthday this weekend. Eddie was rich and having a party in his luxurious condo and everyone was invited. Brian could see kids waving their invitation cards excitedly at one another. They were sealed in shiny gold envelopes, so anyone could see them from afar. The cards were made of expensive card paper, a photo of Eddie grinning widely infront of his luxurious condo pasted in the middle with glitters around the edges and the words 'You're invited' in cartoon style wording on top of the photo. Insides, the party's date and address was printed neatly in bold letters.

Brian didn't get an invitation, and he didn't mind as there was no one to go with him anyway. He was in a new school, a new kid, not even the new kid. If he was 'the new kid' people would have started talking about him, like he was a novelty, like a topic, that got bored after a while. As it was he didn't even have the luxury of being a temporacy topic. He wears glasses, have freckles and a messy mob of hair, not exactly a topic kids find interesting to talk about. He was okay with it. He didn't like being the centre of attention. He'd find it weird if people started talking about him. As it was kids had alot of interesting things to talk about and Eddie's upcoming party was one of them. He felt slightly left-out, an emptiness in his stomach no food could satisfy. But he pushed it away and made his expression blank. Or maybe he shouldn't bother because no one was looking at him and no one would have bothered even if they were. He tried to read a book but kids were talking and laughing too loudly. He couldn't concentrate at all. His eyes went to and fro the same sentence and no words sank in. He sighed to himself and peeked around at the top of his book.

Brian heard a few girls chatting away what dress to wear, what sort of make-up, probably trying to out-do one another. What's it girls always compete this way. If you're pretty, then you're no matter what you wear.If you are ugly, well, it's not your fault. No one cared if he was invited or not. He felt like sitting in front of the TV and all this going on around him was some sort of TV program he was watching. He knew everyone was there, what they were doing but they didn't see him at all or cared or he was invisible so they saw through him and didnt' see him at all.

Thankfully it was near the end of the day. Only two more lessons to go. Ms Lee droned on and on about World war II that almost put him to sleep. He heard some kids giggle and passing notes to one another. No one really cared for the lessons. To them school was just a place to pass gossip and party and play sports and get popular. He didn't really care about the lessons either. To him it was the time to day-dream and observing what other kids were doing. It was fun to watch people. He liked the sounds of their laughter, the whispering, the secret and knowing smiles with mischief in their eyes. Why can't he have fun like that too? He wished he could talk to these kids, but he didn't know how and he was sure cool kids like that would never want to talk to him.

Next lesson was Geography. It was more interesting because it had a more interesting teacher. The kids called him Mr.Blue because he always wears something blue. Sometimes kids placed bets to see what he was wearing blue; be it a blue shirt, blue pants,blue watch, a blue pen in the breast pocket. But today they was in no mood for this little game.Thanks to Eddie, they had something better to talk about. Mr. Blue didn't call on him once. He was glad. He thought Mr. Blue was kind but he didn't really know him. He was a teacher, not a person you could get close to. Sure he might listen to your problem but Brian couldn't watch a movie with him, hang out and talk about sports and boys' stuff.
The bell rang. End of lesson, end of week. Some kids let out whoops and exhanged high-fives. It was Friday. Eddie's party was on Sunday. Saturday was time to shop for presents and clothes. Or going over houses to chat and gossip and watch DVDs and sleep and anything they want. They were looking forward it. The boys made plans to play football after lesson and the girls to shop so they could be alone to talk about make-up or boys or whatever girls like to talk about when there aren't boys around.

Brian wanted to play football but he wasn't good at it and he didn't think the boys, who are all good athletes, would have the patience to teach him how to even kick a ball. No, Brian would just embarrass himself. It was best to leave it. But he liked to watch. He grabbed a sandwich and a coke in the school cafe and settled himself down on the side bench, with his bag between his knees. The weather was cool, not too hot, perfect weather for sports. He took a deep breathe of the fresh air and smelt the clean glass and air. He felt happy and wished he could tell someone he was feeling happy. But there was few kids sitting around him and none that he knew. So he munched his sandwich and drank his coke. The boys were having fun, they were laughing and shouting and patting shoulders.

Brian sat there for about an hour. When he was sure the game would end soon he slipped quietly away. He didn't want the boys to come and ask what he was doing sitting there. He wasn't good with words and he wasn't a good liar. He didn't want them to think he was a freak or what. Then the class would really be talking about him next week, once Eddie's party was over and in case they were looking for new topics. He was not going to be a topic. He'd like people to talk to him but not about him because mostly it'd not be a good thing.

He sat on the bench under the bus shelter, waiting for the bus. He didn't really want to go home, as he didn't feel like doing his homework knowing other kids were enjoying themselves and it was Friday after all. He had survived his second week in school and he thought he deserved a break. He thought of watching a movie but he didn't want to watch alone. He wanted to go somewhere where there were people. Maybe he'd get lucky and find a friend. Many TV shows have complete strangers just talk with each other and become friends, especially if they were involved in some sort of accident and needed to help one another out.

But of course it isn't so simple in real life. There wasn't that many accidents and he'd prefer safer options to meet people, or just to watch, like he did in the class. He sat near the window and watched the world pass. After some stops he decided to go to the park. He alighted and walked. He saw people jog, kids kicking ball, little children running around the playgrounds with parents at their heels; old people playing chess or chattting or sleeping or reading the paper. He walked along with the joggers, just walking. Some joggers glanced at him as they ran by, wondering why this kid wasn't in jogging attire thus seemed so out of place.

He walked round the jogging track twice before he sat on a bench near the pond. He watched the fish and turtles and wished he could join them. It must be great swimming around and worrying about nothing. He sat for a while as a wave of loneliness engulf him, a cold fist squeezing his heart and he felt like crying, and wished to have a shoulder to cry on.

There was no point hanging around. He rose and made his way home. It was two bus stops to his home but he chose to walk. His T-shirt was wet with sweat and sticked onto his back. He walked on and on. He saw some familiar faces as he neared his home but none he really knew, just which he came across everyday, like a certain bench, a landmark that was always there but he didnt really know the history or anything about them.

His head was down. He wondered what he'd be doing on Saturday or Sunday when everybody would be at Eddie's birthday party that he wasn't invited. Maybe he'd go to the library and borrow books, reading the paper for some part-time jobs, sleeping, watching TV with boring shows, playing with his spiderman toy figures. Or maybe buy a new T-shirt. Or maybe...